A Toast
““We are already compelte. All we need is the clarity to recognize the wholeness that is us.””
For years my life’s focus centered around my business, serving in my church, and any other task or thing I could busy myself with to use as a distraction. I dreaded having too much quiet time because it forced me to come face to face with a very unpleasant reality… I wasn’t okay with Krystal.
Year after year I would repeat the same cycle of setting goals to shed excess weight, hit $100,000 in total revenue for the year, and do everything in MY power to naturally rid myself of these cysts and fibroids that have been wreaking havoc in my body for the last decade or so. Year after year I’d seemingly come closer to some and fall short of reaching others. While some would focus on the small wins throughout each year, I’d dwell on the areas in which I fell short. While many would be celebrating the new year and all it would bring, I often found myself feeling like something was missing from my life that prevented me from being able to experience this bliss and excitement the rest of the world seemed to bask in on the cusp of every new year. I’d think to myself: “If I could just lose this weight… if I could just make $100,000 this year… if I never would’ve met that guy... if, if, if…”
Sad right?! (chuckles) Yea! But then came 2019.
The growth and healing that has taken place in this last year is truly mind blowing. Although extremely uncomfortable at times I pushed through. I challenged myself to discard the crippling habits and beliefs that were developed as a result of past traumas and to begin seeing life through clear, untainted lenses.
I chose to consistently make God my first priority not just in speech, but also in action. I found ways to implement more time with Him into my super busy schedule. As a result, slowly but surely my stubborn will began to align with His perfect will. Has it been easy? Heck no… but it’s been totally worth it because “…the safest place in the whole wide world is in the will of God”. (Yes I’m churchy. Judge your mother, lol!) I choose to live life like I believe that.
I’ve learned to be okay with my “no”. That’s often the hardest part. Saying it is easy but not feeling guilty or second guessing it after the fact can be challenging for some. In this, I divorced my need to please people as a means of seeking their approval. This was huge!
Did I get back down to 140 lbs like I wrote in my fitness journal?
No. But I gave myself permission to address the issues that caused the emotional eating and led to the weight gain. Dealing with the emotional weight is what will make achieving and maintaining a healthy weight possible in this new year.
Did I hit the total revenue goal I set for my businesses?
No. But Sis stayed booked and busy ALL year, still saw an increase from 2018 to 2019, gained clarity as to what’s next for ATB Inc, and even managed to take a few vacations for a little work life balance! With this newfound clarity I believe I will be able to walk into far more than can be calculated through my many reports. BUT I’m coming for that 6 figure status in 2020 ;)
Was I able to check off ALL the items on the list of desires I submitted to God at the start of this year?
No. Not everything... but throughout the year I’ve seen evidence that He’s been actively working in every area of my life and for that I am truly grateful.
So here’s to 2019... The Year for Krystal.
